Yours Truly, James Potter
by AccioTintin
Summary: Peek into the brand new diary of James Potter. Being sixteen years old is tough and exciting and James is going to write it all down to help him deal with his stress levels- And you've got front row seats to all the action! There'll be tears, love, parties, fun and angst abound! James's P.O.V. Swearing, adult themes, etc.
1. Chapter 1

Okay diary, if this is going to work out, I suppose I had better tell you all about myself, my love, and my friends.

I know this girl, and she doesn't like many things. One of the things she doesn't like is me, and the another thing she doesn't like is herself. She doesn't seem to think she's very beautiful, but believe me, she is.

Oh Merlin's beard, she is _beautiful_.

She has red hair, a radiant smile, gorgeous green eyes, and she even has a perfect name.

Her name is Lily Evans, and don't be mistaken by her girlish beauty. If you look at her the wrong way, she'll break your nose and I know this from experience.

She doesn't really like me, but my best friend says that he sees her looking at me sometimes in class.

My best friend is Sirius Black. He's pretty much the sex icon of Hogwarts. He's got long black hair, and grey eyes, and a bark-like laugh. He's gets with lots of girls but sometimes he turns them down to sit up late and talk with Remus, my other best friend.

Remus is a very… unique lad. He's got a lot of problems but the worst is probably that he's a werewolf. He transforms once a month into a monster and he hates himself for it.

I don't tell him but sometimes I hear him crying at night. He tries to hide it by burying his face in his pillow but some nights he's in so much pain, he sobs so hard and uncontrollably- and he doesn't care if people hear him. Once Sirius went to comfort Remus, and Remus yelled at him to leave him alone.

Remus and Sirius have a rather strained relationship, I think. Sometimes they are close, sometimes they are okay with each other, and sometimes they act like they want to kill each other.

Then there's my friend Peter. He's alright, but a little clingy. He comes up with some good ideas sometimes, and he's pretty funny. The day we started hanging out with him was the day I found him being bullied by a Slytherin. The boy that was bulling him was named Severus Snape, but my friends call him Snivelly or Snivellus.

Snivelly is Lily's best friend, but I swear it's only because they live near each other. I don't see any other reason for them to hang out, because Snivelly is a big nosed, greasy haired wanker and that's the end of that.

Sirius and I once charmed his underwear pink and _boy oh boy,_ was that hilarious. When the teachers asked Remus if he had seen anything going on, Remus just said that nothing was out of order. You see, Remus is a Prefect and that means he can get us out of (most) sticky situations.

I myself am the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, and I take pride in my lads. Sometimes they're out of order, but I always get them back in line and we nearly always win matches. Lily watches the games on the odd occasion.

So, now that I've gotten that down, I'll write about what happened today, shall I?

Well, today I woke up a tad earlier than usual, because Sirius was being a berk towards Remus and poor Remus looked about ready to tear off his head. He shouted something about Sirius being a _using twat_ and a _big-headed fucking wanker_.

He was swearing quite a lot for so early in the morning. He was that mad that he just went quiet, got dressed, and ignored Sirius. So I got dressed and headed down to the Great Hall with Sirius. Peter came in later with Frank, our other dorm mate. Frank's quiet, and he's in love with a girl named Alice but he won't say so.

Sirius kept looking at Remus and Remus ended up throwing scrambled eggs at him, which of course made me laugh. I was curious as to what Sirius had done wrong but I thought it better not to ask. I didn't want to get covered in Remus's breakfast.

After breakfast, we had classes, which went by quickly. Remus and Sirius had come to History of Magic late, but they'd stopped giving each other angry looks. They sat beside one another and were acting like best friends again, which confuses the living hell out of me.

It's probably just 'cause of Remus's fluctuating Werewolf hormones and Sirius's angst filled life or something.

So now here I am, back in the dorm, writing in a brand new diary. It was actually Peter's suggestion because I had two attacks this week and he thinks writing things down will help me keep my stress levels down.

Oh, right. You don't know about my attacks.

Well I have anxiety.

I know, I know. Tough, gorgeous, clever James Potter has anxiety attacks. Don't judge me, alright? I can't help it. I get really stressed out, continuously getting turned down by a girl I'm infatuated with, trying to keep my Quidditch Team well trained, trying to keep _myself _fit, working hard to constantly impress everyone… It just gets to me.

But I have to stop writing now.

My hands are shaking and I'm tired.

I'll write tomorrow.

Yours Truly, James Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus and Sirius seem to be on friendly terms today, although maybe a little too friendly. I mean, I let Sirius touch my butt sometimes, but he's my best friend and I know he likes girls so it's fine. But I saw Sirius giving Remus's butt a squeeze and Remus _giggled_ about it. I don't think anyone else saw, but if they did, they'd be under the impression the two were shagging or something, and I'm certain they're not.

During lunch break, Sirius said he was going to organise a party for this weekend, in the Astronomy Tower. He said it'd be Gryffindor's, Ravenclaw's and Hufflepuff's, but no Slytherin's because they make him sick. He's not lying either. His whole family are Slytherin's, and they're frightening. I've heard stories about the Black's that have sent shivers down my spine. His mother and father hate any witches or wizards who aren't Pure-blooded, and they hate half-breeds, like Centaurs and Werewolves. Sirius locked himself in his room one night after his father went on a rant about how disgusting he found Werewolves. Sirius will nearly always stick up for Remus, unless they're fighting of course.

Then, in Potions, Snivelly wasn't there. That left Lily partnerless. Since I'm hopeless at Potions and she isn't, I asked her to be my partner. She gave me a filthy look, but eventually sighed and said she would partner with me. I swear, my heart stopped! She told me how to crush things with the mortar and pestle, she gave me tips on how to get exact measurements on things, and she didn't hit me the entire time. She did call me a prat when she caught me staring, though.

Did you know that Sirius has a brother? His name is Regulus Black, and he's just as attractive as Sirius. The only problem with him is that he isn't as laid-back, and he's a Slytherin. He has shorter hair, but it's still the same colour as Sirius- Raven black. His eyes are the same grey, only with less sparkle. Anyway, he has been on and off with this lovely girl, a Ravenclaw, actually. She's really pretty, and smart and she never fails any tests. She's always been reasonably quiet and tends to keep to herself. She has a few friends but I've noticed she prefers being alone.

I saw a bruise on her arm whilst she was petting a Niffler in Care Of Magical Creatures. She was quieter than usual, today…

After classes were all over, me and Sirius snuck out to see if we could find Remus and Lily on Prefect duty and spy on them from under my Cloak Of Invisibility. When we found them, Remus was crying and Sirius made this pained noise, and Lily was hugging Remus and telling him it was going to be okay.

I wish I got along with Lily the way that Remus does.

That's about all I have to write about for tonight.

Yours truly, James Potter.


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius spread the word that we're throwing a party today. I saw a lot of girls gossiping amongst one another, and Lily nonchalantly told me in Herbology that her friend was planning on hooking up with Sirius that night. I couldn't think of anything to do but smile dopily at her. She seems to only talk to me when Snivelly isn't around and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

When I asked her which friend, she told me it was Marlene McKinnon.

In all my years at Hogwarts I have never liked Marlene, not even for a second. She's got a pointy face and she's cruel. I don't really know why she's in Gryffindor. She hangs around with Snivelly and Regulus, and even Barty Crouch Junior. She's in cahoots with the Slytherin's, or at least that's mine and Sirius's theory. Sirius doesn't like her much either, but he's said once or twice that she had a top notch arse. I wonder if he'll hook up with her?

Anyway, Marlene has long, dark hair, and she wears red lipstick. Which is weird because who wears lipstick to school? Not even Lily does. But she wears gloss and I reckon it's probably strawberry flavoured 'cause that seems like a nice girly flavour that Lily would like.

I told Remus that Marlene wanted to have sex with Sirius and Remus went quiet.

"She's a slut," was what he told me. The fact that he called her a _slut_ must mean that he really hates her because he's usually really respectful to girls and never calls them nasty names.

I've noticed that Marlene and Lily have a weird friendship. It's kind of strained, like Remus and Sirius. They can't decide whether they're friends or not. Everyone knows that Marlene bitches about Lily behind her back, and I wish Lily would just slap her already because I'm sure that Lily's heard about her saying things.

Snivelly was glued to Lily today. Little wanker. She didn't even look at me today other than when she told me about Marlene.

I really have to do something about Snivelly…

Yours Truly, James Potter.


	4. Chapter 4

I just now wrote a poem for Lily. I'm debating whether or not to give it to her… It goes like this;

_My eyes are bombarded,_

_But only by the sweetest factor._

_Like the colour of your hair,_

_And the flower of your moniker._

_I know that all I am to you,_

_Is the douche in the Quidditch game._

_Potter, big-headed and idiot,_

_Are amongst my many names._

_For once I'd like to speak to you,_

_Without starting a fight._

_I want to spend some time with you, _

_Or even spend a night._

_Your beauty is untouchable,_

_Your beauty is unrivalled._

_If there was a contest for the most breathtaking,_

_You'd always win the title._

_I know that you hate me,_

_And you want me to go away._

_I wish you'd sit down,_

_And listen to what I'd like to say._

_I can't help the way my voice and hands shake,_

_When I see you across the yard._

_But you can know this, Lily Evans,_

_You will always have my heart._

I was thinking about slipping it into her bag during class tomorrow, or getting Remus to give it to her…

So anyway, today was a terribly boring day. It rained, so Quidditch practice was off. I didn't want to go studying with boring Remus and Peter, and Sirius was organising some party details so I couldn't hang out with him either. I ended up just sitting around in the Common Room for hours on my own, until I went out to the Great Hall for dinner. I stopped to talk to Regulus's girlfriend.

I asked her what her name was, and she said, "My name is Florence. And you're James Potter, captain of the Quidditch Team, aren't you? Must be a shame that you can't practice today. Although another team might finally get a chance at winning!" And she laughed a tinkly sort of laugh. Her smile was genuine, and I like that. She seemed happy.

As we continued to talk, she told me that she had been dumped by her last boyfriend after Bertha Jorkins (A horrid gossip and an ex-girlfriend of Remus's) spread rumours about Florence and her ex-boyfriend snogging behind the greenhouse. Apparently she was then wooed by the '_seductive'_ and '_brooding'_ Regulus.

When I asked about her bruise, she went quiet and said it was nothing. She then said that she ran into a wall, which completely contradicted her earlier statement about it being nothing.

I'm not going to lie and say that I don't suspect that Regulus hit her. I mean, he's a Black. And I know Sirius is a Black and he's a good guy, but even he has anger issues from time to time. He broke my nose once, but we laugh about it.

Florence and I then parted ways and I went into the Great Hall. I found Remus and Sirius, so I sat beside the latter. I served myself up a meal and then Lily entered. She was unfortunately with Snivelly. When Snivelly spotted me, he sneered, and I couldn't help but get up and point my wand at him. Lily glared and shouted at me, and Sirius yanked my arm down so that I sat.

It's bad enough that Snivelly is so close with Lily. He doesn't have to rub it in.

I'm going to sleep now, and hope that tomorrow it doesn't rain because I really need to get the team practicing…

Yours truly, James Potter.


	5. Chapter 5

Last night was the party that Sirius organised. I was unable to write that night because obviously I was drunk out of my mind and also a little stoned. _Whoops_.

But anyway, it was rather fun.

Remus didn't drink but he didn't turn down a joint. Peter passed out halfway through the night. He's such a lightweight. Sirius got really drunk but he didn't end up hooking up with Marlene, and I think she went off crying at some point. Remus told me today that I was a fantastic and exceptionally sexy dancer when I was drunk, which I believe because come on, I'm pretty sexy.

Then Peter told me that Lily and I got into an argument and then supposedly she went to find Marlene. Which is a bummer, I was hoping to hear something more along the lines of, "Lily got drunk and admitted her undying love for you."

But of course not.

A few Slytherin's crashed the party but nobody cared. One of them was Barty Crouch Junior- And I heard that Remus was necking with him! Remus is denying it, but I can read him like an open book. I don't know why he's so bothered by his friends knowing, I mean it's not like I'm going to judge him for kissing a boy. It's his choice. But I can't tell him that because he'll get angry at me and tell me he didn't even kiss Barty. Maybe he wants to deny it because he wasn't drunk and therefore he doesn't have an "Excuse."

I also saw Sirius with Bertha Jorkins toady! Oh my Patronus, they were sitting really close out by the Black Lake and I swear they were holding hands! Remus won't be pleased when he finds out Sirius is probably shagging his ex-girlfriend. I hope the tension doesn't spilt the group because I really couldn't choose between Sirius and Remus…

Today I woke up really hung-over, but Sirius was a sweetheart and had brought me up some coffee and a plate of bacon from breakfast. For some reason, Sirius never seems to get hung-over. He told me it was because he always sobers up before he sleeps. It seems logical enough so I didn't question it.

So after my bacon and coffee I felt well enough to head down to the Common Room. Lily was sitting on an armchair, curled up and reading. She was still wearing her pyjamas, and she looked so beautiful. She didn't say anything when I said hi, so I asked her what book she was reading.

"What's it to you? It's not like you'd have a good enough taste in literature to know this book. Just get out of my face, idiot."

"I haven't said anything wrong, Lily. I was just asking what you were reading-"

"Shut up, I don't want to speak to you!" She seemed really angry with me. I hope I didn't say anything too stupid last night…

I might do some snooping around tomorrow, which is Sunday, and ask if anyone heard anything about the party. Maybe someone took snapshots! I could ask Peter to put them in his scrapbook.

Peter has a scrapbook that he puts things in, about us, about his school life, and about his home life. He doesn't show anyone but us Marauders. He's planning on keeping it forever and displaying it in his home when he gets married. Peter told us he'd like to marry a really pretty Hufflepuff in our Herbology class, but he doesn't even have the guts to talk to her. I see her looking at him, and smiling at him sometimes. I hope he's not like me, and he ends up getting the girl, I really do.

Yours Truly, James Potter


	6. Chapter 6

Guess what happened today?!

I caught Barty in an empty hallways, so I asked him about kissing Remus. He told me they _did _kiss!

He said they were in the Common Room, just around the corner, hidden by the stairs. He said that Remus was looking him deeply in the eyes, and looking at his lips, and giving him all the signals that he wanted to make out, so Barty went with it. Barty has dated mostly girls, but he has dated one or two boys before, so kissing Remus wasn't out of his comfort zone or at least that's what he said. He said that after they finished kissing, Remus started to cry. So he cuddled him for a while and told him that whatever was wrong, was going to sort itself out.

Remus never told him what was wrong, but I guess it has something to do with his furry little problem.

At breakfast, Sirius walked in late and –get this!- _hand in hand with Bertha_!

Remus was fuming! I can't put into words how angry Remus looked! Especially when Sirius gave her a quick kiss before she went to the Hufflepuff table. It was the silent anger, too, which is the worst kind. Sirius sat down and said, "Hey." Remus ignored him, but Peter and I greeted him. Sirius didn't even look at Remus, or acknowledge that Remus had ignored him. It seems like they're fighting _again_!

Also, I saw Lily and Snivelly sitting together at Recess, studying in the shade. Snivelly was looking at her with sickeningly adoring eyes. I just want to hex him into oblivion, that prat! I don't understand why Lily doesn't like me!

I'm nice enough. I don't pick on _her_. I'm smart, I'm popular, I'm attractive, and I am probably, other than Sirius and Gilderoy Lockhart, the most eligible bachelor in Hogwarts. I've had so many girls ask to go out with me but I've turned them all down because I'm waiting for Lily. Remus once told me that one day I'll probably get sick of waiting for her, but that is ridiculous. I could never tire of waiting for her. Perhaps one day she'll see me for who I really am…

I had a free period and so I studied. Remus studied with me, and he began talking. He just talked to me, and I listened because that's what good friends do. He said something along the lines of this:

"I didn't mean to kiss Barty. I mean, I _did_ mean it, but I just… Well… I don't quite know how to put this. I wanted to kiss Sirius more than I wanted to kiss Barty. Don't look at me like that, Prongs, it's true. But Sirius was all over a lot of different girls that night and he wouldn't even look at me, so I pulled Barty away from the crowd and we kissed. But then I started crying. I didn't want to cry, trust me! I felt like such an idiot! But Barty is really cute, and- Yes, Prongs, I think a boy is cute, but I don't really want to talk about that right now. So anyway, Barty is really cute and sweet, he held me and comforted me while I sobbed and I had this thought… Well… Do you reckon Barty would go out with me? He's single at the moment, right? And he's dated blokes before, right? And I'm pretty nice, and I guess I'm attractive. Someone said I was, and I believe them, so maybe Barty would go out with me, do you think? Oh, I'm so confused! I'm never going to another party! Barty is really cute though. He's got nice eyes. They're a pretty blue colour. And he's a fabulous kisser, better than Si- Better than, um, someone else I know. But I just really want to be loved, do you know what I mean? And even though he is a Slytherin, he said himself he was going to be in Ravenclaw and that the only reason he's in Slytherin is because he didn't want his dad to hate him, and I want to feel appreciated because recently I've felt really bad and I keep fighting with Sirius and I don't want to but he makes me so mad and I think that Barty might help and oh my gosh I'm rambling! Prongs, why didn't you tell me I was rambling?!"

We ended up getting kicked out of the library, and Remus said he'd talk to Barty tomorrow. I hope that Barty goes out with him, because Remus needs a nice guy. If _I_ were gay I'd date him, but I'm not gay and I love Lily so I don't know why I said that.

Yours Truly, James Potter.


	7. Chapter 7

I heard more about the party today. Me and Lily had a fight because apparently one of her friends tried to snog with me, and apparently her friend wanted to have sex with me too. Mary McDonald, her name was. Mary is nice, and she's kind of good looking, but she's not really my type. Too girly, you know? Plus I've already had sex once before, but I didn't like it. I wasn't ready, and I want to save my readiness for Lily. If she _ever_ even takes the time to get to know me well enough to like me…

But I don't get why Lily is so mad about that. I mean. Sirius had this theory, that it's because I pay so much attention to her and that even though she doesn't like me, I would be paying attention to someone else. Sirius says Lily must be some sort of sick attention seeker, and I told him to _piss off,_ so he lit a smoke and went to 'shag Bertha,' as he put it.

Remus didn't ask Barty out today, but I saw them sitting together in the library, and then again at recess. Remus spend hardly any time with us today but I suppose that's what comes with tuning someone. Sirius asked about where Remus was, but I didn't tell him. I just said I didn't know. It wasn't any of Sirius's business what Remus was doing, the way I see it. I mean, it sounded like Remus really liked Sirius, but that doesn't mean I'm turning against Sirius! I would never do that! And I could never choose sides! I'm neutral! Like, I don't know, Switzerland or something.

I tried talking to Lily again too, when I spotted her walking around the cloister without Snivelly. I went up to her and asked her how she was, because she looked a bit sad. She said, "Get the hell away from me, you stupid wanker! I do _not_ want to see you right now! I mean it, Potter! Hey, you berk, are you listening? I swear, get out of my sight or I'll knock you one!"

She seemed _very _upset so I left her alone. I wanted to ask why she was so upset by I didn't lest I should get my nose broken.  
After I spoke to her I went back inside and into the library because I thought I might find Remus there if he wasn't busy. He was busy, studying with Barty. Their heads were really close and Remus kept looking up from his book to look at Barty, and it was quite cute.

I just asked Remus if he asked Barty out and he said he hadn't done it yet, but he had thought about it. He said that through the day he and Barty had been really close, snuggling and stuff. He also said that Barty had given him a little kiss at one point, and I think that's really adorable. I hope they end up in a relationship! I feel like a gossipy school girl, but they would be the cutest couple ever.

Well, not as cute as me and Lily have the potential to be, anyway.

I'll write more tomorrow, I'm just really tired right now.

Yours Truly, James Potter.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm writing this from the Hospital Wing because Remus and Sirius got into a fight today.

Like, a _proper_ fight.

It was during our break, after the events of breakfast. So what happened during breakfast? Sirius came in with Bertha. They had this long, sloppy, gross looking snog before they parted ways and he sat down. Then a bit later on, Remus came in.

Holding. Hands. With. Barty.

There were wolf whistles from the Slytherin's, and I yelled out, "SLIP IT IN, MOONY!"

Then Remus smiled brightly at Barty, who leaned down and gave him a kiss before heading off to the Slytherin table. I clapped, but Sirius was too busy shoving scrambled eggs into his mouth to see the kiss, I think. Otherwise surely he'd be clapping too.

Or not…

Because during our break, Barty and Remus came over to sit with me, Sirius and Peter, and they were holding hands and when they sat down, Remus began to read, and Barty was being all snuggly and stuff.

And then Sirius said to Remus, very loudly mind you, "Why'd you bring _that_ poof over here?"

Oh my goodness, if you thought Remus looked angry at the breakfast table the other day, you should have seen him today! He stood right up, grabbed Sirius by the collar and pulled him up off the ground. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Remus screamed, and he shoved Sirius up against the tree. Sirius hit him in the face, and Barty shot up to his feet. Remus hit Sirius back, and it was a hard punch too. He split Sirius's lip open and blood was dribbling down his chin. People had gathered to scream and shout and cheer. Sirius got the upper hand and suddenly they were both on the ground, Sirius on top, and Sirius was punching him hard in the face and in the gut and chest. Remus was no longer getting any hits in.

Lily ran over, and she was yelling, "Stop it! Sirius! Get off him! You're hurting him! Stop!" That's when Barty and I stepped it. I pulled Sirius off of Remus and told him to calm down. Sirius yelled, "Fuck you! Fuck Remus! And fuck his stupid boyfriend!"

"Sirius shut the hell up! I don't know why you're so moody but you better have a walk and a smoke and calm down! Look at the blood, shit! Sirius, look at the fucking blood!" I yelled, right up in Sirius's face. Barty gave Sirius a nasty look and then got down to pick up Remus. Sirius swore loudly and marched away, and I followed Barty to the Hospital Wing. Lily came along. She walked up to my side and said, "That was a good thing that you did, Potter."

I didn't reply. I just wanted to make sure that Remus was okay, because he was bleeding so much and he wasn't making any noises. We got to the Hospital Wing and Barty told me it'd be best if I went to class. So I did. But the entire day I couldn't get my mind of whether or not Remus was okay. Sirius came to class and he sat with me, but he was quiet and he looked like he had been crying.

So after all my classes were done I went and saw Remus and now here I am. He's okay. Just got a bloodied nose and I think he cracked his cheekbone or something like that. He told me all about why Sirius was so mad.

Turns out he had been dating Sirius, or sort of, at least. And Sirius had told Remus if he was going to fall in love with anyone anytime soon, it'd probably be him. But then even though Sirius was kind and lovely to Remus there were times when he would openly flirt with another girl, or act like he didn't have any attraction to Remus, and that made Remus feel bad and then they'd fight. Then Sirius started going out with Bertha and that made Remus even more angry. But apparently Sirius told Remus that he was doing it to make him jealous so that Remus would like him more. Then Remus started seeing Barty because he genuinely liked Barty and Barty made him feel happy (Barty kissed him for saying that), and Lily said they were very cute together, and I agreed.

So now I'm about to head back to the Dorm and get some sleep.

I'll write tomorrow, especially if something dramatic happens again!  
Yours Truly, James Potter.


End file.
